How to make other people’s opinions matter less

A friend asked recently how can she care less about what other people think.

I laughed, and then spent some time thinking about this.

I realised that I stopped giving so many f*cks when I turned 40.

And when I turned 50, I gave even fewer.

That shift didn’t happen because I became harder or more cynical. It happened because some of life’s circumstances had me re-evaluating what was really important to me.

Just after I turned 40, both my mum and dad died unexpectedly and within months of each other. And then I was diagnosed with a melanoma. And THEN perimenopause started.

There was a lot going on. 

When things like these happen, the trivial falls away.

For a while, I’ll admit, I *may have* swung too far the other way. My internal and sometimes external – response to other people’s whingy problems was often, “Well, nobody’s died — so suck it up buttercup.”

I wasn’t in my most compassionate era.

But what did happen during that time, is that I became crystal clear on a lot of things. I worked out:

• What actually matters?

• Who is important to me?

• What is worth my energy — and what isn’t? 

And once I became clear on that, everything shifted. By which of course, I mean I stopped giving so many f*cks.

Clarity is a filter

When you know your priorities, you stop reacting to everything.

You start filtering.

If someone is unkind, critical, or judgmental — and they’re not someone important to you — the question becomes:

Why do I care what this person thinks?

Why am I giving emotional energy to a stranger’s opinion?

They don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They don’t know my values or my intentions.

So why would I let them influence how I feel about myself?

When strangers criticise me, I like to ask them, “Have we met? 

Because if the answer is no, I really want to know why they think they can foist their unsolicited views on me. And yes, I am often talking about random men on the internet. Or the old dudes on the street who tell me to smile.

When your priorities are clear, you don’t need everyone’s approval. You only need alignment with what matters most.

Knowing your priorities protects YOUR time, energy and attention

When you’re unclear, everything feels urgent.

When you’re unclear, you respond to whoever is loudest.

When you’re unclear, you absorb opinions that were never meant for you.

But when you’re clear?

You choose.

You choose what conversations to engage in. You choose what criticism to take on board. You choose what deserves your attention.

Your priorities become your boundary.

They help you distinguish between:

• Important and merely loud

• Meaningful and merely distracting

• Worthwhile and simply habitual

And that’s not selfish. It’s sustainable.

A question worth asking

If you’re feeling pulled in a hundred directions…

If other people’s opinions feel heavier than they should.

If you’re reacting more than you’d like…

Pause and ask:

• What actually matters to me right now?

• Who are my non-negotiable people?

• What is the real reason I do what I do?

When you get clear on that, so much else falls away. Not because you don’t care. But because you finally care about the right things.

And that clarity changes everything.

So I'd love to know, are you clear on YOUR priorities?

Mel xx